Sunday, September 27, 2009

the last year..

has been one emotional carnival ride for me. I have been sad, depressed, terrified, angry and lonely. When the final paperwork came through for this separation...I felt such sadness. I'm not regretting my decision, I just felt extreme sadness over its end. I think I am beginning to see the light at the beginning of the tunnel. I don't know why but the last couple of days I have begun to feel better..and lighter...and a bit like my old self. I want to be a better person.

What I fear mostly right now is that I may not know how to be in a relationship. I may need to take some time to figure out why this one didn't work and I don't trust anyone enough to explore those reasons. I know I just can't ignore it but I want to.

It's hard for me to trust. I want to do that.

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